Making (space for) Joy

Where do you find joy? If you are stuck in a job that leaves you grouchy, chances are it’s hard to find things that make you happy, even when you’re away from work. Being in toxic workplaces or doing work that doesn’t feel meaningful has a way of seeping into the rest of our lives and pushing out the space where joy might come in.

Career coaching with the big picture in mind

When I work with clients to find jobs they love, we talk about how a job needs to fit into the context of their whole lives, rather than being their whole life. Like finding a life partner, it’s unlikely to find a job that meets all our needs. Instead, we talk in our coaching sessions about how to balance the different needs we have – some of those needs will be met through our careers, and some will be met outside of work. 

My own experience in finding joy

I find joy in the weird stuff that many people tend to ignore. I want to know what’s hanging out behind the curtain or in the basement or see what’s on the back of the canvas. I’d pick visiting an abandoned place over a museum most days. I enjoy the thrill of not quite knowing what’s going to happen and being surprised by the random things the world has to offer when we stray off the beaten path. I need space for things like this in my life to feel fulfilled.

About 9 years ago, I was working insane hours in a toxic job that I knew I needed to leave. I was very depressed and that made it hard to make decisions and move forward, but I eventually did and was able to leave that job. The leaving felt harried and stressful, and I worried about what might be coming after me as I left. A few weeks after I left, I felt like I’d finally crossed this metaphorical Red Sea. I was so excited to see what was there for me on the other side – the land I’d promised myself would be infinitely better than what I left. I was hoping for something full and beautiful, like the orchid rooms in the botanical gardens, or a someplace thrilling and filled with mystery like… an abandoned library.

Not filling up the space

When I got to the other side, it was… blank. Like an infinite blank canvas just filled with white space. It was kind of funny how empty the space was. I thought I probably should get busy and put some stuff there, but I had also worked really hard to clear space for myself. I wanted to make sure I was being intentional with what I put in the new landscape, so I waited to see what interesting and unexpected things might show up.

Somewhere in that liminal space, a friend I didn’t know very well asked if we could go for a walk and if she could ask me personal questions. I said yes, because I was intrigued by this very random and unexpected invitation. 

After the weird personal questions, she asked if I knew anyone who wanted to be part of starting up an informal singing group. I said I might be interested, and I also suggested another mutual friend who had a beautiful voice. Many years later, we’ve evolved into a strong and supportive trio, The Mamalehs. Not only do our musical collaborations bring me incredible joy, but the space we create together has pushed each of us to grow in really transformative ways. 

An invitation for joy

There’s not always a lot of joy in a blank space by itself. But blank space means there’s room for joy to come in. We’re often in such a haste to fill the empty spaces with things we like well enough: events on our calendars that we’re not totally jazzed about attending, collected items in our houses that we can’t seem to get rid of, or doom scrolling on our phones to pass the time.

We don’t like to be bored… but there’s a big difference between “not bored” and “actually, deeply enjoying our lives.” By intentionally not filling the blank space, we leave room for the unexpected to come in and take our lives in a different, and maybe more joy-filled direction.

I know that if I hadn’t crossed that personal Red Sea and landed on a deserted island, I wouldn’t have had space to go on that walk or realize how much I wanted to sing. Making music with others is the bedrock of much of my joy now, but I didn’t even know that’s what I was seeking back then.

I’m not convinced that we find joy by pursuing it. I think it will often find us when we clear some space to let it in. And maybe that’s the real work – creating space for joy to come, and being open to the unique and unexpected packages in which it is delivered.

Taking a step forward

If you’re looking for some joy and contemplating a professional shift, let’s chat. Use the link below to book a free 30-minute chat about where you’re stuck and where you might like to go.